If The SEC Were a Big Awkward Family

Today I was thinking, what if the SEC were one big family gathered around the table at Thanksgiving . . .

The Wests

Alabama – The Oldest, Successful, has a doctorate degree in Football. Every Thanksgiving he’s the one who always has an accolade to talk about and will never shut up about how awesome he is. We sit there jealously eating our dumplins as he goes on and on. . .

Auburn – Alabama’s little brother who, like Alabama, has a solid career, even had some accolades of his own, but still cannot live up to his older brother’s legacy.

LSU– The Drunk Uncle, he’s the one whose wasted by lunch and rattles off some crazy outlandish story about his adventures that sounds completely impossible. “This one time, I won a game after losing it, yes sir.”

Arkansas – The crazy cousin who that you forget exists. He does great things, but often, you just forget he’s even out there, and it really makes him mad. Spends all his time trying to prove he is worthy of his family, but always stumbles and fumbles his chance away. Everytime you see him you ask yourself what was his name again?

Ole Miss – The brother that always dresses nice and looks sharp, but his football degree comes from a community college, all show.

Mississippi State – Your cousin who’s just a little bit “country,” ok a whole lot of country. He brings a cowbell wherever he goes. Dropped out of high school, but he did pick up his GED.

 The Easts

South Carolina – The youngest. He’s new on the scene and wants to make a name for himself, but no one takes him that seriously.

Georgia – The brother that does great things by his own terms, but doesn’t quite measure up to the successes of his family members. He will tell a good story at the table only to have it trumped by his elder siblings successes.

Tennessee – Once held a position of prominence, has a doctorate in football and was the only one that could claim to compete with Brother Alabama for a while as far as pedigree, but a Tax Evasion scandal has left him without a practice and trying to get his life together. Everyone really just feels sorry for the poor guy.

Kentucky – He’s the brother that has a degree in something else that no one at the table really cares about. Yes, he has a degree in basketball in a football family.

Vanderbilt – The smartest and most intelligent in the family, but comes off so pretentious and snobby that no one can stand sitting with him.

Florida – He’s the brother that has plenty of accolades, yet, he doesn’t fit the mold. Where the Brother’s Tennessee and Alabama wear class with their success. Brother Florida got a doctorate in Football while wearing Jean Shorts and Visors to class.