Tennessee’s SEC Tournament Seeding Scenarios, As Told by Ron Swanson
By Will
Editor’s note: Sometimes, at 11 PM on a Friday night, you need to be somewhat creative.
So the deciding game of Tennessee’s season is on Saturday afternoon at 4 PM Eastern on ESPN2. Tennessee can end up with a 2, 3, or 5 seed in the SEC Tournament, but the scenarios are a little confusing. Let’s call in our good friend from the Pawnee, Indiana Parks and Recreation Department, Ron Swanson.
How Tennessee can earn a 2 seed: Defeat Vanderbilt and have Florida lose at home to Kentucky and Alabama defeat Mississippi. Not too tall of a task, as Tennessee over Vanderbilt wouldn’t be a huge upset and Kentucky is favored at Florida. “Give me all the 2 seeds that you have.”
A group of Ron Swanson quotes to illustrate:
First things first: “Straight down the middle. No hook, no spin, no fuss. Anything more, and this becomes figure skating.”
What this means for Tennessee: “Everyone shut up and look at me!”
How Tennessee can earn a 3 seed: Defeat Vanderbilt while Florida beats Kentucky and Mississippi upsets Alabama. Little to no difference between the 2 and 3 seed, save for a slightly more difficult higher-seed quarterfinal opponent in Mississippi State instead of Louisiana State.
A group of Ron Swanson quotes to illustrate:
“Property rights: they exist. Do not let them be taken away from you.”
“Building walls makes you strong. Defending them makes you even stronger.”
How Tennessee can “earn” a 5 seed: One of two ways: Defeat Vanderbilt, but watch as Florida and Alabama both win and fall to fifth based on tiebreakers. Or, Tennessee can lose to Vanderbilt. (That’s not an option. Ever.) Also, if they were to defeat the 4 seed, they’d play Kentucky in the semifinals. No.
A group of Ron Swanson quotes to illustrate:
“IT’S ALL GONE AND I HATE EVERYTHING.”
“Your dream has been crushed.”
“We have one activity planned: not getting killed.”
So, what does Tennessee want? A 2 seed would be awesome, but the 3 seed still works. I’d prefer playing LSU just because of the recent victory, but sending out Mississippi State early on would be extremely satisfying. There’s something about Rick Stansbury I highly dislike (perhaps his constant coddling of the overweight lazy bum called Renardo Sidney) and I’d appreciate that opportunity greatly. Mostly, Tennessee does not want any part of the 5 seed. It’s a miserable road, and you want to play Kentucky at the latest opportunity possible so as to avoid them as long as you can. Regardless, it all starts with a win over Vanderbilt this afternoon.
“I hope the rest of your day is cool beans.” – Ron Swanson.